Future is bright, do what you can in the meantime.

[ForeverAloneDude]

Sorry to revive this thread, but.. ForeverAloneDude, and I just give you a big hug? I'll tell you what, I've been considered a pretty lady (Ok, this is before surgery -- my current post-surgery face is keeping me humble, but it's brought me here!) and was sought after by many men in my teens, 20s, 30s. My most long-lasting relationship, however, was 18 years with a guy that wasn't necessarily considered traditionally "attractive" by whatever body and facial measurements people use. But he was THE HOTTEST thing to me because he was kind, caring, compassionate, creative, and put all his energy into making life feel like pure magic to me. I know for a fact that he, too, had some serious self esteem issues because of how he perceived himself, but f**k it. f**k aesthetic standards. You do you, and do it the best you can. Make your life pure magic and you'll be IRRESISTIBLE to even the hottest ladies.

We've since parted ways, but when I tell friends my physical "type" they're confused.. because it isn't anyone else's "type". But when you fall in love with someone I guarantee you they're going to love the way you look because it looks like YOU.

Thanks for the hug. *hugs back*

Also I'm happy to hear that those surgeries were successful and you improved looks wise.

Did that guy who you was with for 18 years openly complain about his insecurities to you in person? What were the sorts of things he did specifically that were magical? Like with creativity, was he a brilliant oragamist or maybe game artist or musician etc?

[ForeverAloneDude]

Also, though, I met that guy on the internet circa 2000, and after months saw his picture and just thought "you're the most beautiful thing in the universe".

You could EASILY replicate that vibe with one of those Russian wife websites. Just saying.

Some Russian wife is going to love the s**t out of you.

Well maybe the gifts won't hurt, eh? 🤔

[ForeverAloneDude]

I can't stand that site, but the concept of lookism itself is not garbage lol. Neither are the 'objective' measurements of attractiveness. What's garbage is the idea that one has to be PERFECT in order to have any chance in life, this is obviously false.

A lot of the guys on lookism and such circles who talk about perfection etc are mostly trolls. Remember that Orb guy? Apparently he was trolling all along.

But yeah, lookism is an actual term... https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5702199/

[ForeverAloneDude]

All I'm saying is whatever bs Lookism is spoon feeding you is garbage.

I'm not a lookism poster, though I browse there once in a while for surgeries/topics that aren't found anywhere on this forum.

I know that they are crazy and you don't need to be perfect, but I wish I was just a bit more attractive. I mean you yourself know that its nice to improve looks wise since you also did that via surgeries.

[ForeverAloneDude]

Ignoring reality is the WORST thing you can do when trying to console someone, it doesn't matter if this is online or not. If you paint a fairytale scene for someone just to temporarily cheer them up it sets them up perfectly to fall again & fall further the next time they face some hardship.
The only difference is every time someone does this, they grow more & more convinced that everyone else is a liar which can be really dangerous if they suffer from a MD of any kind.

Not bashing anyone, just observing.

Yeah the "just don't think about it bro" attitude is annoying tbh.

[ForeverAloneDude]

Like if a girl sees you with an attractive girl she is more attracted to you...or at least intrigued.

Preselection is actually scientifically proven to be one of the top 3 things to help.

[Perlkrys]

Thanks for the hug. *hugs back*

Also I'm happy to hear that those surgeries were successful and you improved looks wise.

Did that guy who you was with for 18 years openly complain about his insecurities to you in person? What were the sorts of things he did specifically that were magical? Like with creativity, was he a brilliant oragamist or maybe game artist or musician etc?

Oh boy, ForeverAloneDude, I definitely didn't improve lookswise from my surgery, my surgeon f**ked me up a little but you know, ah, whatever.

Um jeez, yeah I guess he was a very talented writer, cartoonist, game maker (board games!), and just into cool interesting things (he got excited about wacky art, architecture, cultish strange hidden things.. he could find a nugget of gold in just about any thing or any place). More than anything though I think those gifts sprang from a deep curiosity of the world and knowing his authentic self and being able to create through his own unique lense. I think we're all capable of that, and when we tap into it it's something very special to others, helping to open them to wonder, and helping them to color their world. Maybe curiosity is just crazy sexy to me, IDK. And yes, he did tell me about his insecurities, I guess you have to if you're dating since age 13 or whatever. He struggled a lot with depression, eating disorders, self-hate, was diagnosed with just about every mood/personality disorder in the book, but honestly to me I could never see a deficiency in him. Maybe more sensitive/creative types (which it seems like you are) are just sort of more primed for that?

Anyways, I would just encourage you to keep being curious about the things you love, dive in to what you're passionate about and it'll be contagious and extremely attractive to anyone you come into contact with. Just my two cents.

[ForeverAloneDude]

Oh boy, ForeverAloneDude, I definitely didn't improve lookswise from my surgery, my surgeon f**ked me up a little but you know, ah, whatever.

Um jeez, yeah I guess he was a very talented writer, cartoonist, game maker (board games!), and just into cool interesting things (he got excited about wacky art, architecture, cultish strange hidden things.. he could find a nugget of gold in just about any thing or any place). More than anything though I think those gifts sprang from a deep curiosity of the world and knowing his authentic self and being able to create through his own unique lense. I think we're all capable of that, and when we tap into it it's something very special to others, helping to open them to wonder, and helping them to color their world. Maybe curiosity is just crazy sexy to me, IDK. And yes, he did tell me about his insecurities, I guess you have to if you're dating since age 13 or whatever. He struggled a lot with depression, eating disorders, self-hate, was diagnosed with just about every mood/personality disorder in the book, but honestly to me I could never see a deficiency in him. Maybe more sensitive/creative types (which it seems like you are) are just sort of more primed for that?

Anyways, I would just encourage you to keep being curious about the things you love, dive in to what you're passionate about and it'll be contagious and extremely attractive to anyone you come into contact with. Just my two cents.

Well you're an anomaly though compared to most women (talking about the insecurities and how he expressed them to you) part. Most women would say "dude, I'm not your therapist at least about these looks thing."

[GJ]

Well you're an anomaly though compared to most women (talking about the insecurities and how he expressed them to you) part. Most women would say "dude, I'm not your therapist at least about these looks thing."

Depends. Many women think they can fix broken guys and are naturally "motherly".
Some are hard asses who have no interest in your problems. Some are in between. Definitely wouldn't say she's an anomaly.

[Perlkrys]

Depends. Many women think they can fix broken guys and are naturally "motherly".
Some are hard asses who have no interest in your problems. Some are in between. Definitely wouldn't say she's an anomaly.

Hopefully not too much of an anomaly. I wouldn't really call it motherly though.. I just feel like authentic human relationships should have a lot of trust and vulnerability. I need it as much as the guy. Otherwise, what's the point?

[GJ]

Otherwise, what's the point?

Have someone to eat popcorn with on Friday nights?

[GJ]

I'm just kidding.
To me the most important thing is getting along like clams. My first GF and I did at times, but when we didn't, it was AWFUL, and thus I put a premium on getting along. I assume someone you are with regularly will be vulnerable at times, and then and trust will come up naturally.
Looks are important to a degree, but for me less so than a lot of guys. I'm very visual when it comes to casual relationships, but when it comes to committing it's all about personality. They can be a 10 and I'd reject them if they were awful humans, and have done this, even with my crappy jaws. Lesson to the mopey kids: a lot of this stuff is mental. Get your ducks in a row there, and you won't have to slash up your face to get a date.

[Perlkrys]

Have someone to eat popcorn with on Friday nights?

I can't wait till I can eat popcorn again... mmmm.....

[Perlkrys]

I'm just kidding.
To me the most important thing is getting along like clams. My first GF and I did at times, but when we didn't, it was AWFUL, and thus I put a premium on getting along. I assume someone you are with regularly will be vulnerable at times, and then and trust will come up naturally.
Looks are important to a degree, but for me less so than a lot of guys. I'm very visual when it comes to casual relationships, but when it comes to committing it's all about personality. They can be a 10 and I'd reject them if they were awful humans, and have done this, even with my crappy jaws. Lesson to the mopey kids: a lot of this stuff is mental. Get your ducks in a row there, and you won't have to slash up your face to get a date.

Don't slash up your faces if you don't have to, guys. It's really not at all pleasant.

[GJ]

I can't wait till I can eat popcorn again... mmmm.....

Tip: sprinkle white cheddar on it.