Hi , my friend.
Of couse, i don't excpect you to remember ! It was also almost a year ago. Even though you , and Kavan and others were totally shocked and validated the change in me.
Which is what i wanted. Cause i was getting dismisses by doctors, of even other forums cause people tried to be too polite.
In very general . In 2008 (when i was at my earlt 30's (and also had a boyish much younger look) I got hit on the face.... but felt no pain. On 2010 went to a simple dental filling, which a day after it - i was left with permamnt excutiating pain the no one even can describe . I will cuy a totally long story (of more than 100 doctors) short - i got the diagnoses of "Atypical facial pain" or "Trigeminal Neurpoathy" (which different that trigeminal neuralgia) - which is not unique to me - people that suffer constant pain like dental pain all day. it's one of the most worst condition. I fought this for years ... was and am on tons of medications .. opiates and all. I'm struggling daily.
BUT - beside the pain issues ... even before all the medications and years of suffer... already in 2010 my face started to change... I was always a symetrical since birth but it didnt bother me- i had unique look .. cool jaw , chin, cheekbone.. i got complimented a lot.. .a person on the street invited me to her home (i'm gay :-D) she wanted to draw my face.
I had insecurites but i liked my unique look. I'm gay. i'm feminine (not in behavior) but the look is a bit inbetween and i like it . (im saying this to emphasize - that it's not that i need the "big jaws" or "strong chin" , or to impress the girls or something.
But my face got smaller... like my Ramus got shorter (who knows why... so i extracted 5 teeth... so probobaly bone loss.. my closure in mouth changed.. i don't bite on some teeth so the muscles activating the masasater doesnt work . But all this happened years later. And my phsical change in face started immediatly, before I extracted teeth, before my teeth closure changed. Anyways.. my rumus got shorter. If my face had good proportion. Upper third of face. and than two third longer. Now my LOWER THIRD OF FACE is short by 50%.. i look like a poor bird.. my chin is shorter. it's not something even to inject - cause if i inject into chin - it will make it long horizontally .. and i need the length vertically (i feel only here i can explain it) . I have no tmj issue according to many experts.. MRI of joints is apperantly ok (several MRI's) (again it's a known syndrome just the cause is unknown). I love the hosesty here... so how i would say it.. I was never a model or "good looking in the regular way" that you see a fine girl or fine boy and see - they are handsome.. i was unique. proportional etc . Now all is gone, and not just that.. my look is ridicioulous , i feel i need to move face or lower jaw - and by the way by doing this it can make me a model . I don't think i'll be able to take the risk . (also , besides the story itself.. just my hard medical background - to operate a patient with extrme pain (from a working man i'm now with 100% disabilty since my 30's) ... many doc's won't.
I lost hope to live mostly cause of my look (just sharing , it's not sometihng that i have intention to do something about it ... just saying any spark of life is out of me.. even in the few time , and it's very few I have less pain , i have no joy. I can't look in the mirror... and while doctors still live in some fantasy world , at least in my country... they treat illnesses , they don't recognize that helping a person gain his joy to live is totally important and people are looking for love and sex.. yes sex .. it's important to us all.
sorry for long ranting. Tried to do this step with raffinni , since i'm not related to may works of surgeon. also in europe there are many surgeons (i can't travel far).
Also I thought about mayve different approch - go to plastic surgery (which also in my country doctors arent good at much) but i saw amazing jobs.. my skin got losen.. and btw - i'm sure it' not aging of losing collagen... i'll tell you - i've discovered the "secret" - when your face is longer - of coutse skin will strech.. .like if i YAWN and open my mouth - skin will be streched , right ? SO i'm sure my face getting smaller made skin also looser. I will definetly need a face lift in the new methods like deep plane, to make also neck less saggy and thus jaw will be more defined. But since my lower third is not looking good - if jaw would look more defined.. it will only emphasis what i wanna hide. I wonder if plastic surgery will have answers for me. I don't know - i dont know of any plasyic surgeon that can make face longer. Just jaw surgeon.
I also wonder if there is a jaw surgurey not involving changing the closure of teeth, cause my teeth are stright right now, closing ok... nothing in my bite is wrong (but i do missing 5 teeth) but the remaining teeth are matching each other . Won't a jaw surgery ruin it ? Anyway i kinda lost.. I'm not an initative person so I don't think i will ever do a move in my life, but I suffer a lot . I tried psycology for years... not to make me love myself that's BS , it was to accompany with the pain (which of course didn't help) but mostly i wanted a person , a method to make me a "doer" - to push me to go ahead and do it .. I'm so ashamed even to get out of the house. Balding totally i had great hair.. i look like a person , i know everyone wants to be polite, but you would look weird at me if you see me . I know some people don't care. some get bald, some are ugly , for me - I can't live with this . I can and will - but never be happy.
Thanks for letting me share. If anyone will have by chance something to add... i wish I will be able to hear something that will be able to be like coaching for me to do some action.. to help.
