How do you guys cope with the feeling of regret?

[Dontknowwhattodo]

I read everywhere on this forum that people say orthodontics took their faces from them. In my opinion after going blind thats the worse that can happen to someone and how do you guys cope with it? how do you stop yourself from hurting this face that is not yours and how do you stop yourself from killing the orthodontist who took your face from you? I'm asking this because I can feel that I'm slowly dying out of depression because I cant believe orthodontics did and still are doing this to little innocent children and are damaging their faces. What did you guys do when you first find out about this? you know, when you found out that you could have had a normal face like others and dont feel bad about it and waste alot of time on internet trying to find ways to get back what was yours.

[Gregor Samsa]

The most reasonable thing you can do is to warn other people. If you have a case then you should sue them. If you're in the US then organizing a class action lawsuit seems like a good thing to do. I seem to recall reading about something like that.

[Dontknowwhattodo]

The most reasonable thing you can do is to warn other people. If you have a case then you should sue them. If you're in the US then organizing a class action lawsuit seems like a good thing to do. I seem to recall reading about something like that.

Yeah I want to do that, I want to warn other people. But then whats in it for me? I mean I don't want to be a hero who saves others lives, I want to live a good life myself. And there is no way I can sue the people who did this to me, I am 22 right now and it all happened 10 years ago in the country I come from... Unless I want to go back and kill them myself there is no any other way to punish them for what they did and probably still doing...

[Chelie]

Having your face change is not the worst thing that can happen to you. I understand that it's upsetting but your appearance is not what defines you as a person. In my opinion, which you can take or leave, helping other people gives meaning to your own experience. There's always a way to find positivity in your situation. You have to let go of your anger or it will consume you.

[Gregor Samsa]

I find that it's easier to be selfless when you're happy with yourself.

[Dontknowwhattodo]

Having your face change is not the worst thing that can happen to you. I understand that it's upsetting but your appearance is not what defines you as a person. In my opinion, which you can take or leave, helping other people gives meaning to your own experience. There's always a way to find positivity in your situation. You have to let go of your anger or it will consume you.

your face is your identity, you cant deny the psychological effects of the face on you yourself and other people. If you wake up in the morning and see something good looking, that gives you energy, if you go out and feel that your accepted and people like you and find you interesting, that makes your daily life much better and happier. How can you say ruining your face is not the worse thing that can happen to you? I mean yeah like I said the worst thing is going blind in my mind but then after that there is nothing worse than losing your face, nothing. Cause your face is your identity, your emotions, your thoughts, they dont matter as long as you cant show it in your face because its too ugly to allow you to do so. Doesnt matter how nice of a person you are when you look hideous.

But your right about helping others gives meaning to your experience, but how can I do that? How can I show what orthodontics has done to me? are there groups or people who are doing this so I can join them?

And you know at the end no matter how many people I help, and no matter what I do with the rest my life, my face is going to be the same s**t it is and there is no one to help me...

[Chelie]

I'm really sorry that you feel that way. I sincerely hope that you're eventually able to find a way to dig a little deeper. http://www.realself.com/review/philadelphia-pa-orthognathic-surgery-jaw-surgery-the-biggest-mistake-my-life That's my story and how I've tried to make the best out of a bad situation. I hope it helps you in some way.

[Dontknowwhattodo]

I'm really sorry that you feel that way. I sincerely hope that you're eventually able to find a way to dig a little deeper. http://www.realself.com/review/philadelphia-pa-orthognathic-surgery-jaw-surgery-the-biggest-mistake-my-life That's my story and how I've tried to make the best out of a bad situation. I hope it helps you in some way.

Hey Im really sorry... so why did you get the surgery? who was your doctor?

[Chelie]

I was born with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome which contributed to my maxillary and mandibular hypoplasia as well as microgenia. I was told if I didn't have the surgery I would end up with severe arthritis and I would lose teeth. My outcome was bad, so I understand how hard it is to have your face change but it's not my identity. I'm the same person I was before surgery, just stronger for it. Now if you'll excuse me it's Friday night and I'm going to take my hideous face out dancing while I still have both my legs intact

[LoveofScotch]

Dontknowwhattodo,

I'm so sorry you are hurting, but your face is NOT your identity. Even if you believed it was, what would happen as you age? Would your 'identity' change, become less then, or even go away entirely? Again, I'm so sorry you're seemingly having a difficult time, and I hope you find what you're looking for, but your face is NOT who you are.

Chelie,

Have a great time tonight! I'm not normally a club person, but I was in Miami the other week and just couldn't help myself. I think I'm getting old,  though.

I. Got. Winded.

Have a great weekend!

[PloskoPlus]

I was born with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome which contributed to my maxillary and mandibular hypoplasia as well as microgenia. I was told if I didn't have the surgery I would end up with severe arthritis and I would lose teeth. My outcome was bad, so I understand how hard it is to have your face change but it's not my identity. I'm the same person I was before surgery, just stronger for it. Now if you'll excuse me it's Friday night and I'm going to take my hideous face out dancing while I still have both my legs intact

I read your story a few months back.  You may have a fragile body, but you're tough as nails.  Having said that, I feel like you're giving your doc a free pass.  Mistakes happen, no doubt.  There're  risks with everything in life.  But there are mistakes, and there is gross negligence.  You should sue.  Doctors have insurance for a reason.

[Alue]

Yeah I want to do that, I want to warn other people. But then whats in it for me? I mean I don't want to be a hero who saves others lives, I want to live a good life myself. And there is no way I can sue the people who did this to me, I am 22 right now and it all happened 10 years ago in the country I come from... Unless I want to go back and kill them myself there is no any other way to punish them for what they did and probably still doing...

I have spent a lot of time in anger at my orthodontist, and knowing that he's still doing the same thing some 15 years later. 
If it was extractions alone that caused the changes, it probably could have been a lot worse. 

The most reasonable thing you can do is to warn other people. If you have a case then you should sue them. If you're in the US then organizing a class action lawsuit seems like a good thing to do. I seem to recall reading about something like that.

Statute of limitations makes that pretty much impossible, unless you realize the damage before you even reach adulthood.  I think statute of limitations should be extended when the plaintiff was a child, but it doesn't work that way. 

Having your face change is not the worst thing that can happen to you. I understand that it's upsetting but your appearance is not what defines you as a person. In my opinion, which you can take or leave, helping other people gives meaning to your own experience. There's always a way to find positivity in your situation. You have to let go of your anger or it will consume you.

Chelie has a good point.  Although from her new picks she looks better than a lot of us, she's had a rough go of it, much more than just getting extractions. 

I find that it's easier to be selfless when you're happy with yourself.

And when you are focused only on yourself it's hard to be happy with yourself.  It is a conundrum, and isolation just feeds into it to the point where it is hard to escape. 

[LoveofScotch]

My very smart, tough as balls, southern grandmother always tells me, "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride."

Also, "Two tears in a bucket, motherf**k it."

Words to live by. Thanks grandma.

[Chelie]

Chelie,

Have a great time tonight! I'm not normally a club person, but I was in Miami the other week and just couldn't help myself. I think I'm getting old,  though.

I. Got. Winded.

Have a great weekend!

Thanks! My club days are pretty much long behind me but I'm trying to have as much fun as possible before they do surgery on my leg. Lots of dancing and 5ks until then Plus it's hard to feel ugly after a bottle of Dom lol.

Chelie has a good point.  Although from her new picks she looks better than a lot of us, she's had a rough go of it, much more than just getting extractions. 

Thanks, I'm fortunate to have a really excellent prosthodontist. It's a completely different sight when I remove the obturator.

I read your story a few months back.  You may have a fragile body, but you're tough as nails.  Having said that, I feel like you're giving your doc a free pass.  Mistakes happen, no doubt.  There're  risks with everything in life.  But there are mistakes, and there is gross negligence.  You should sue.  Doctors have insurance for a reason.

I definitely don't feel like he's getting a free pass. I haven't made a final decision about whether or not to pursue a lawsuit. Right now the most important thing to me is that my story is heard and that people are aware that this is a potential outcome. I'm dealing with everything in a way that I feel is emotionally best for me at the moment. I understand that people think I should sue but it won't ever fix what has happened to me. The best thing that I can do for myself at this stage is to focus on my own recovery. If I ultimately feel as though a lawsuit will help me find some closure or resolution then I'll pursue that option.

[Chelie]

My very smart, tough as balls, southern grandmother always tells me, "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride."

Also, "Two tears in a bucket, motherf**k it."

Words to live by. Thanks grandma.

Haha my tough as balls, southern grandma was fond of saying "Wish in one hand and s**t in the other and see what you get."