Hi all, I know this is a subject that has been explored before on this forum but I was wondering if anyone might have some advice for me because I'm feeling pretty despondent right now. I had more x-rays taken at my appointment today (on a side note, I have no upper wisdom teeth but my bottom ones are HORRENDOUS) and I've been referred to a surgeon who is focused on maximizing jaw function whilst being very aesthetically focused, so I'm happy about that.
My appointment is scheduled for this coming Monday, but my father (I am still financially dependent on him and his medical aid) is not being supportive at all. My issues as stated on the letter of referral include TMJ dysfunction (pain, limited movement and clicking), short upper jaw, lower jaw deviated to the right, moderate facial asymmetry and overbite. These are all issues that impact my quality of life (I can hardly open my mouth and chewing is sometimes a complete nightmare for me) yet he told me today that if he thinks the long term benefits of the surgery don't outweigh the risks then he would not support me.
I can sort of understand his point of view, but at the same time I am somewhat horrified by the coldness of such a view. My right joint is deteriorating with every passing year and my facial appearance is so unbalanced and unattractive: he knows that my appearance upsets me a great deal and yet still felt comfortable saying something so bald and uncaring. I'm just feeling quite upset and despondent at this lack of support. I'm hoping against hope that the consult with the surgeon goes well and that I don't end up having to wait years or have s**tty compensatory orthodontics again.
Is there any strategy that has worked when trying to speak to family members about such an extreme surgery? It sounds too scary to a lot of people and I am quite a matter of fact person so maybe I haven't explained it to them in a way that makes it palatable? I'm not sure. Anyway advice would be appreciated greatly!
Sounds clear to me.
1) Demonstrate in detail the dangers of not acting on this:
- TMJ deterioration
- Living in constant pain
- Sleep apnoea which will affect health, fatigue, ability to study and work, brain fog. will get worse with time
- Requirement to be forced into surgery later after the joint gets f**ked
- Open up airways
(these are the main ones to focus on. You want to speak mostly to the dangers of not doing the surgery, and on the health risks in a big way. Prove to him this isn't cosmetic, it's an operation for your health)
Next you can discuss about how it isn't a cosmetic operation in the sense of improving looks to beyond nature, it's about bringing you back to where you should be. About making you NORMAL. And doing that will have health benefits, but will also make you look better because right now you're deviated outside of the norm. You could use analogies of how someone might want a jaw implant for a better jawline, but such a person can't see the surgeon you want to. Your surgeon can only operate on someone if there is a deficiency or a deformity somewhere that can be corrected. Correction is key.
2) The dangers are very, very slim. Nerve damage is about it, or unsatisfactory result.
Explain to him what the realistic dangers are, emphasise how this is your body and you want to take those risks because right now it's difficult to live the way you are, and all you're asking for is his support. Even if HE doesn't want to, he should at least recognise that it's important to you to get something done such that you will accept risks. Plus, all operations have a risk. There is no operation that won't - so he needs to be aware that you can't be so risk averse with this stuff.
A lot of people get scared off by the idea of "CUTTING / BREAKING BONE!!!!11" which is pretty brutal, but at the end of the day people fall and break their arm every day, and it's basically the same s**t except you'll be totall unconscious for the operation itself, and it'll be done in a room of medical professionals with a stated goal of massively improving your health.
I had a lot of hte same issues as you in terms of convicning family I needed something done, now in hindsight they see it, but it's something you'll probably have to fight for. I remember I would regularly bring it up, talk a lot about the operation etc. The more I spoke about it the less "scary" it became because suddenly almost every day they were hearing about the surgery. I also pointed out how important it was to me to have it sorted out when I was still young, as I wanted to live my life happily without deformities. Not lose my youth then finally get it fixed at 35 when nobody cares.
