breakup right before surgery

[nrelax11]

So my girlfriend and I just split up  yesterday :/ We're still on really good terms because she broke up with me for extremely pesonal issues and just need to work on herself before being in a relationship. We were long distance for right now and I was going to be moving to her area once I sorted some personal things out. Im just devastated.  Heart is broken and I feel like a piece of me died. She knows my surgery is on the 28th and we're still going to talk a lot because she knows I need her support during my recovery. I just feel like between my stupid chronic neck pain and then dealing with this right before a major surgery is going to be tough. Any suggestions? I cant postpone the surgery either.

[Modigliani]

Try and see it as a positive, this way you'll be able to totally focus on yourself and your healing without having to take the needs and want of another on board. Personally I find it easier that way.

It's good that you've parted amicably, maybe you'll reconcile when she's sorted herself out?

[Tiny]

The day before my rhino I took a 12hr flight and then walked out of a long-term, serious relationship and our shared apartment.  Did the surgery on no sleep and was discharged from the hospital to my friends couch.

Look forward.  Breakups are never easy and there is no quick fix.  At least in this instance, it apparently really isn't about you so no need to beat yourself up about what you could have done differently.

Personally when I break up with someone I prefer to totally cease communications for at least 3 months.  Maybe try and use the surgery to wipe the slate and start fresh.  IMO life is too short to hang around waiting for people to fix their personal issues and get their s**t together.   Often they never do

[nrelax11]

Thanks for all the replies and I'll try to man up lol. We talked and we are still going to be good friends and Ill still go and visit her, but we defiantly need to both work out our issues before we see if we want to give it another shot. She lives in Washington and I in California,  so it was frustrating being so far away from eachother. I feel more at peace now that we talked things over. We still love eachother, its just we're both not really in the right state of mind to be dealing with a relationship,  especially long distance. My surgery is in around 3 weeks, so I think I'll be in better mind set by then and im trying to adjust to just focus on myself right now.

I hope I dont get butchered!  Lol, no, I trust my surgeon.

Oh and we were together for 7 months, felt like a lot longer. I know thats not too long, but ive never been so close to a girl before and had such a great connection like we had and still do have I guess. 

[LoveofScotch]

I'm sorry, nrelax11.

I hope you feel a little better soon. And the good thing is you will. I promise. Regardless of if you guys get back together, or decide to part ways, it's generally always OK. It sounds like you will still have her support for your surgery, and that's great if that's something that's important for you. The other thing is that, in general, other people require some degree of maintenance. To not have to worry about someone else right now might actually be an asset.

Good luck with your surgery!

(You probably shouldn't listen to my relationship advice. I'm an asshole, or at my very best a pig. I'm almost 29 years old and my monogamy gene still hasn't adequately kicked in yet. I think the best way to get over the last is to get underneath (on top of, etc.) the next. Yep, I'm going to hell.)

Seriously though, I hope you feel better soon. It will be alright.

[nrelax11]

Hahah thanks LoveofScotch! And your not an asshole lol. Everyone deals with situations differently I think the one benefit of us not being together right now is that I dont have to worry as much anymore.  Im a worry wart and whenever I didnt hear from her for a long period of time, id always think something happened. I think of the worse outcome most of the time and its never right. I guess I can learn from that amd realize that I shouldn't think that way. I do try and always see the positive out of a negative situation:)

[Tiny]

we are still going to be good friends and Ill still go and visit her,

Im probably going to go visit her at the end of September or beginning of october.

I bet my premolars that you end up shagging 

The only exes that I am still friends with are those I never had a serious or long-term relationship with.  Generally I find that if you hang out with a significant ex after a breakup, then you get very nostalgic for what used to be and it's all very depressing.  (Having said that, most of my significant exes are now married and the new wives will not let them within 100ft of me hahahaha!!)

Anyway, focus on your surgery.  Honestly the worst part is the sheer boredom of sitting at home for days on end. (I did a revision rhino a few days ago and am going out of my mind already!)

[nrelax11]

Well it might be hard to fight the urge of wanting to hook up with her,  but I hope this break up is just temporary and when we're ready we can get back together. So far we have still talked like we were before, just no calling eachother babe anymore. Although we've both done it by accident twice now lol The first we talked on the phone again yesterday was really weird. It was like talking to her for the first time again and we were both kind of nervous. She said it was exciting actually

Well im just happy shes still going to be here for me during my surgery. I would have been miserable if she just stopped talking to me, but she told me shed never do that and she never wants me out of her life:) but life does change,  so im just going with the flow.

[ticktickatick]

It could just be her own issues, but she also may not be ready to deal with your major surgery only 7 months into a relationship.

My husband had a really hard time leading up to the surgery, taking care of me during surgery, and my recovery afterward. Although he did contribute a lot of time (not money, though) to help me, sometimes he can be surprisingly unsympathetic. If I complain about numbness or whatnot, he usually just says something like, "well you knew it was going to be a risk." He didn't want me to have surgery in the first place so he just doesn't really want to talk about it.

I can imagine that a 7-month girlfriend just does not want to deal with that process at all, in addition to the long distance stuff and whatever else she is going through. So don't be surprised if, even with this "we're still friends" idea, if she's not very supportive in the months ahead.

[nrelax11]

It could just be her own issues, but she also may not be ready to deal with your major surgery only 7 months into a relationship.

My husband had a really hard time leading up to the surgery, taking care of me during surgery, and my recovery afterward. Although he did contribute a lot of time (not money, though) to help me, sometimes he can be surprisingly unsympathetic. If I complain about numbness or whatnot, he usually just says something like, "well you knew it was going to be a risk." He didn't want me to have surgery in the first place so he just doesn't really want to talk about it.

I can imagine that a 7-month girlfriend just does not want to deal with that process at all, in addition to the long distance stuff and whatever else she is going through. So don't be surprised if, even with this "we're still friends" idea, if she's not very supportive in the months ahead.

Oh no, everything is really well between us. We video chatted last night which was really nice. Although I talked too much and mu mouth was killing me last night, so I just need to ease up a bit. We still sleep on the phone at night too and do pretty much everything we were doing before lol.

[LoveofScotch]

Wait, you video chatted just 24 hours after surgery? Make sure to take it easy and don't overdo it, but hats off to you internet amigo. After I have any surgery, however minor, I'm puking over a bucket because of the pain pills. I think I'm jealous.

Glad you guys are doing alright. I hope you're still holding up, and feeling as OK as can be expected! One more day down...yea!

[nrelax11]

Well it was a little over 24 hours, but still, yea I talked a little too much too soon. Learned my lesson though,  and im taking it a little easier. Tomorrow is day 3, but im definitely feeling better than yesterday, so hopefully I'll still feel fine tomorrow.  I had two 2 hour segments of sleep last night,  so slept a good 4 hours and woke up feeling pretty good considering.