Some points to add:
- The best surgeons in the world have cases like these too. It could be negligence, hard to know, but it's also one of the inherent risks of surgery. It's crap like this that makes me repeat over and over: WHEN IT COMES TO SURGERY, LESS IS BETTER. I don't want to pick on any particular surgeons here, just know that I've done enough research to know that none are immune and, believe it not, I know of much worse outcomes than this.
- Knowing this and what your problem is, it's probably worth pointing out that your problem is probably fixable in your lifetime, if it won't resolve itself. It's easily accessible and a straight forward problem. If you can find someone to reliably fix it today then great, go for it! Otherwise, your best bet is to wait until such a solution appears. It may be a decade or more. Every subsequent surgery you do in attempt to fix it substantially reduces the odds that a future fix will work so make smart bets here. Experimental procedures are just doubling down on your problems. This is the main reason doctors don't like to take multiple surgery patients, they know they can't fix them! Patience is your friend now. Keep researching and researching and researching and don't be afraid to let your doctors know this is your position.
- IVRO's aren't favored because they aren't as stable as I recall.
- Your surgeon is indeed being a total jackass. This is one of the traits to evaluate when picking a surgeon, how will he treat me if I get a bad outcome. The well regarded surgeons excel in this respect, they admit their mistakes and know who to refer you to and when without hesitation. The bad guys dump you and move on to the next patient.
- Personally, I'd handle your outcome very, very badly. Secretly, I hope my surgeon won't wake me up if he isn't confident I'll come out at least 90%. Sadly, that's not an opinion you can express in this country. I still like the odds, just not some of the outcomes.
- Your best bets for coping are the same as they are for any other disability or chronic pain. See a therapist for sure. Meditation, religion, exercise, support groups, distraction, etc. You're in CA, heck visit some prostitutes in LV even, whatever it takes that's legal to make you feel like a normal human being (or cuddle services for something more local). Physical human contact is critical! There many, many people out there with problems like you. People are good at hiding it but roughly speaking, about 20% of people around you are like that but it affects their lives in varied ways.
- Orthodontists don't know who good surgeons are. A little late, I know. And their "favorites" are often not chosen by quality but proximity, friendships, and business relationships. Plus, they're just as narcissistic as the surgeons themselves. That's how they get business, patients want to feel comfortable with the people they've chosen. I've interviewed enough of them to know, most don't even know half of what we know about jaw surgery. How can they judge a surgeon then? The only real evaluation you get is from another surgeon observing one in the operating room, which very few get to do. After that, you can judge by personality, publications, and crude stats about the patients you see. Well, most came back without problems (that patients would even report to the ortho) and their bites looked good.
- I like the Paleo diet but read the books, Perfect Health Diet in particular. Your body needs optimal conditions to conquer this thing. You might give intermittent fasting a shot, supposed to be good for nerve regeneration.
