Future is bright, do what you can in the meantime.

[ForeverAloneDude]

OP no amount of external modifications is going to help you in the long run if you're an emotional mess. You have to work on yourself internally. The way jilkster talks, he makes it sound like all women are the same and are into the same thing. Some people are shallow. Men aren't an exception.

I'm pretty skinny, Hispanic and average looking. Based on his criteria I already have two things going against me yet I still go on dates with girls within and outside my ethnicity. I also live in a pretty liberal area so maybe that helps. I don't know.

Meeting women isn't the sole focus or my life. It shouldn't be yours either. I have other interests and hobbies and so should you.

You say you're not one or those guys from "other websites" yet you sound like one. Jilkster's comments here come off as those I've read on other forums I found recently like sluthate or Lookism. I kinda regret going on those forums because they're an example of how shallow and vile some people can be. The people there have a skewed look on life.

You're 22. Youre young but also an adult. Focus on yourself first and live a little.

Key word: average

[haven]

Key word: average

I'm sorry. I guess since not qualified to give any advice since I'm an average guy with some life experience lmao. Alright well good luck fam 👌

[Lazlo]

Okay 5'4 is not terrible either. I meant like a lot less than 5'5 --anyway you're fine. There are some women who say they won't date anyone less than 6'2 and then end up with guys who are 5'7.

Trust me all of this is bulls**t. The truth is, you have to develop your mind. Also at 22 you should be focussing on massive career excellence so at 32 you can afford anything.

[GJ]

There are some women who say they won't date anyone less than 6'2 and then end up with guys who are 5'7.

Yeah, I mean every woman starts with Clooney as their benchmark, but reality sets in and they wind up dating dudes like us. Totally normal and that's how life works.

[ForeverAloneDude]

Okay 5'4 is not terrible either. I meant like a lot less than 5'5 --anyway you're fine. There are some women who say they won't date anyone less than 6'2 and then end up with guys who are 5'7.

Trust me all of this is bulls**t. The truth is, you have to develop your mind. Also at 22 you should be focussing on massive career excellence so at 32 you can afford anything.

5'4" should be ok if my face wasn't so bad. :/

That's what I'm doing man. (career)

Its not easy to develop one's mind in my situation. Its the uncertainty that is killing me. If I knew that I'd get a gf by x age, then I'd be at peace.

[ForeverAloneDude]

Yeah, I mean every woman starts with Clooney as their benchmark, but reality sets in and they wind up dating dudes like us. Totally normal and that's how life works.

But usually that happens by the time a person is like 18 (reality setting in for women) and guys like us end up getting a gf by the end of college.

Maybe I should look forwards to leaving a very Engineering-centered college with wayyy more men than women and move to NYC or something...

[Lazlo]

5'4" should be ok if my face wasn't so bad. :/

That's what I'm doing man. (career)

Its not easy to develop one's mind in my situation. Its the uncertainty that is killing me. If I knew that I'd get a gf by x age, then I'd be at peace.

I could tell you the secret to solving this. But you probably won't have the discipline to follow through. Find the nearest S. N. Goenka Vipassana institute and go for a 10 day retreat (its free) where you will learn Vipassana meditation. For example if you are in california there are two options north and south. You have to become  a serious buddhist and meditate daily. After several weeks you will learn that uncertainty is an illusion and you will live comfortably in the present. But don't pursue this as a goal. First absorb yourself in the teachings and learn the supreme discipline to do the practice regularly. Here's one example. This is a science, not religion. Find the nearest one to wherever you live there's one everywhere. Oh and it will help you in ever other aspect of your life: career, focus, intimate relationships, confidence etc. etc. Make sure it is a Goenka centre. Just google vipassana and goenka and you'll find a centre near you. Its the most advanced method of meditation and I have studied them all.

http://www.vaddhana.dhamma.org/

[ForeverAloneDude]

I could tell you the secret to solving this. But you probably won't have the discipline to follow through. Find the nearest S. N. Goenka Vipassana institute and go for a 10 day retreat (its free) where you will learn Vipassana meditation. For example if you are in california there are two options north and south. You have to become  a serious buddhist and meditate daily. After several weeks you will learn that uncertainty is an illusion and you will live comfortably in the present. But don't pursue this as a goal. First absorb yourself in the teachings and learn the supreme discipline to do the practice regularly. Here's one example. This is a science, not religion. Find the nearest one to wherever you live there's one everywhere. Oh and it will help you in ever other aspect of your life: career, focus, intimate relationships, confidence etc. etc. Make sure it is a Goenka centre. Just google vipassana and goenka and you'll find a centre near you. Its the most advanced method of meditation and I have studied them all.

http://www.vaddhana.dhamma.org/

Maybe.

[PloskoPlus]

Okay 5'4 is not terrible either. I meant like a lot less than 5'5 --anyway you're fine. There are some women who say they won't date anyone less than 6'2 and then end up with guys who are 5'7.

Trust me all of this is bulls**t. The truth is, you have to develop your mind. Also at 22 you should be focussing on massive career excellence so at 32 you can afford anything.

I knew an attractive woman who was 5'7" and "never dated men less than 6'4"" before meeting her 5'7" husband.

[ForeverAloneDude]

I knew an attractive woman who was 5'7" and "never dated men less than 6'4"" before meeting her 5'7" husband.

Yeah my height is just a compound issue to my face.

[ditterbo]

Consider a sanity check in the form of dating apps (if you live in a big city).  Some people here may be surprised how warped some of their self-images are when they get a few matches that aren't far and away below their standards. Also a well groomed short beard, if you have the minimum density to pull it off. I too was the ugly kid in school but (albeit after a nose and chin job - didn't bother before then) am getting matches with as high as 5-7's on my standards 'scale'. I'm 5'10", skinny fat, balding, and a potatoe head, with jaws like a pray mantis. And white >_>.

[Jilkster]

Consider a sanity check in the form of dating apps (if you live in a big city).  Some people here may be surprised how warped some of their self-images are when they get a few matches that aren't far and away below their standards. Also a well groomed short beard, if you have the minimum density to pull it off. I too was the ugly kid in school but (albeit after a nose and chin job - didn't bother before then) am getting matches with as high as 5-7's on my standards 'scale'. I'm 5'10", skinny fat, balding, and a potatoe head, with jaws like a pray mantis. And white >_>.

Very weird advice. Women are far pickier on these apps than in real life. They get hundreds of matches and are very likely to ignore you. If you actually do well of them, you are in the upper 20% of males(at least based on pics) minimum.

I have done experiments and many men can't get a single match on them, normal looking guys who could get women irl. Women are very racially selective on them too. Dating apps are a terrible deal for men. I have run too many experiments with them, and read too many stats to believe they remotely reflective real life sexual market dynamics. Definitely far from a "sanity check", imo.

[ditterbo]

It can depend a bit on the app too. Some work better than others. This has just been my experience, and I'm definitely not in the upper 20% or getting more than 1-2 matches every 2 weeks. I'll grant myself a smidge above ugly by what I think are average people standards. My short ethnic friends near me are getting nearly no luck at all. So maybe YMMV and you'd be surprised by your individual results.

ETA: I didn't think we were talking about people who already know they can date girls offline. That's not the intended audience of this thread, or so I thought.

[Jilkster]

It can depend a bit on the app too. Some work better than others. This has just been my experience, and I'm definitely not in the upper 20% or getting more than 1-2 matches every 2 weeks. I'll grant myself a smidge above ugly by what I think are average people standards. My short ethnic friends near me are getting nearly no luck at all. So maybe YMMV and you'd be surprised by your individual results.

ETA: I didn't think we were talking about people who already know they can date girls offline. That's not the intended audience of this thread, or so I thought.

Getting that few matches means way over 99%, likely 99.9% of females rejected your profile, nice "sanity check". When I was in a location where my sexual market value was high locally I got over 1000 matches in 2 days, that's what happens when most females like you, the algorithms label you as high value and your success is explosive. In Western countries I still get a bunch daily and over 80% will ignore me no matter how witty my lines, because of the attention excess they already have. Then they tend to still be really flaky about meeting up on top of it, because they have 10 hotter dudes chasing them at the same time. Online dating is a great way of leaving you feeling like you are worthless as a male if you're not in the upper 0.5% of looks, not exactly the advice he needs imo.

Knowing not even 1 in a 1000 women liked your profile. Out of those 1 in 1000 them most likely ignoring you from the start. If not, them most likely ghosting on your soon after. If not, them most likely flaking on meeting you. If not, them most likely not retaining interest after meeting you.
Meanwhile mister super handsome got 500 matches, who are all actively messaging him, trying to meet him. Morbidly obese 40 year olds getting decent matchrates with above average 25 year old males who are interested in meeting them out of desperation.
That's the reality of online dating.

Have you got some dates off it that led to anything ongoing? I wouldn't be surprised if that occasionally worked out for you, but knowing the poverty you are in compared to handsome guys and women of any looks level and age, is not great for your mental health.

Regarding "short ethnic people", I know multiple who can't get a match on these apps but do fine in real life meeting women. If you're of certain races, you need to be even higher in looks to do well on them.

[PloskoPlus]

Get a career where women outnumber men. Like a doctor in a hospital. Hell, I know a guy who's perpetually broke and dates 3 girls a week... He's a flight attendant. Whatever you do do, don't become an engineer. A penniless unemployed archeologist has more social standing than a rich nerd.