Thanks for the hug. *hugs back*
Also I'm happy to hear that those surgeries were successful and you improved looks wise.
Did that guy who you was with for 18 years openly complain about his insecurities to you in person? What were the sorts of things he did specifically that were magical? Like with creativity, was he a brilliant oragamist or maybe game artist or musician etc?
Oh boy, ForeverAloneDude, I definitely didn't improve lookswise from my surgery, my surgeon f**ked me up a little but you know, ah, whatever.
Um jeez, yeah I guess he was a very talented writer, cartoonist, game maker (board games!), and just into cool interesting things (he got excited about wacky art, architecture, cultish strange hidden things.. he could find a nugget of gold in just about any thing or any place). More than anything though I think those gifts sprang from a deep curiosity of the world and knowing his authentic self and being able to create through his own unique lense. I think we're all capable of that, and when we tap into it it's something very special to others, helping to open them to wonder, and helping them to color their world. Maybe curiosity is just crazy sexy to me, IDK. And yes, he did tell me about his insecurities, I guess you have to if you're dating since age 13 or whatever. He struggled a lot with depression, eating disorders, self-hate, was diagnosed with just about every mood/personality disorder in the book, but honestly to me I could never see a deficiency in him. Maybe more sensitive/creative types (which it seems like you are) are just sort of more primed for that?
Anyways, I would just encourage you to keep being curious about the things you love, dive in to what you're passionate about and it'll be contagious and extremely attractive to anyone you come into contact with. Just my two cents.