I’m not an incel and I think their outlook is extremely destructive, but I ALSO think there’s a big generational disconnect about how dating works. Older people simply do not realize the extent to which human interaction (especially in the daring sphere) is primarily mediated via the internet with younger people. For people my age, apps like Tinder and Bumble are far and away the primary method of finding a partner, especially after college. Approaching a girl with no prior online connection is generally considered creepy or out of the ‘norm’, unless you’re drunk at a club or party. I’ve noticed this is even more pronounced in my sister’s generation, and she’s only 5 years younger than me.
In this context, looks really do matter A LOT; far more than personality. Your shot attracting a girl is a picture which she will evaluate in under a second. Compounding this issue for young men is the selectively preference of females versus males. Females really are far more selective than men, and social media/online dating makes it so they never have to ‘settle’ for a guy of her own level of attractiveness. She has a steady stream of more attractive men willing to hook up with her. The male obsession with looks is easily understood because it’s the only way to get female attention.
yeah fair enough looks are imp. no one denies that. it's so funny though cause just 10 years back most people i knew thought internet dating was the creepiest f**king thing in the world.
i regularly date hot chicks in their 20s and I f**king slay, even though I'm probably older than you are post-bimax.
I mean I guess I pick up chicks out an about way more than I do online. And approaching and talking to girls in the "dating sphere" as you say isn't considered creepy at all. I mean maybe it's the way some people do it. But if you strike up a conversation about something that interests the other person and then suggest the two of you meet to pursue said interest (whether it be cooking, a restaurant, a movie, some kind of cool place to check out, etc. etc. i mean you gotta have interests right) that's usually all it takes I find. It may not be framed as a "date" at first but it usually ends up turning into one.
Also, I'm by no means really good looking but I find the whole tinder and bumble thing works for me too. Though I do list some cool things in my profile and my pics are decent --me out doing stuff with friends and s**t to show I have a life.
But I understand what you're saying. You need to break from what you call the "norms" of your generation and what you perceive as how things are done and forge your own path. If you're friendly, interesting, outgoing, women will want to engage with you.
You know it's funny, I just remembered, I met some neighbours who live in my apartment --two really hot chicks who are room-mates. I talk to them all the time in my elevator. I mean one time I just blurted out something ridiculous like "f**k I am jonesing for a pizza-pocket" and they both laughed and we started talking about nearby grocery stores. Anyway, the really hot one (i mean seriously hot, probably like 20-24) told me that guys are so afraid to talk to girls. And that for one whole year during her lunch break from her new job she would walk around this nearby mall alone just to see if any guy would start up a conversation with her or approach her. And she said not a single one every did. I was pretty surprised by that.
You gotta play the probabilities game. And don't fear rejection, it doesn't say a thing about who you really are, or even about your looks frankly. Just keep practicing and you'll get better and better. I know a lot of Chads as the incels call them who are hopeless with girls.